137381

Joke of the Day

"Permission to use your hammer, your honor It's a gavel Permission to use your gavel Denied *looks longingly at pile of walnuts & sighs*"

"Before the Internet, I guess I just assumed all my friends knew how to spell ""definitely."""

"Google search history: -double chin reduction exercises -double chin plastic surgery cost -double fudge brownie recipe"

"Why did the cannibal have an upset stomach? He ate someone who disagreed with him."

"What does a French beaver call her home? (From my 8 year old) Madame"

"What do you call 2 crows sitting on a bench? Attempted murder."

"Why was the lady's hair angry? Because she was always teasing it."

"Sarc... ...It is my second favorite asm. (And nobody fucking fainted)"

"My kid has slept over at Jared Fogle's house plenty of times and there's never been a problem. And as long as Jared keeps my Subway card full of points he will continue not having any problems."

"How do Ethiopian parents celebrate their child's first birthday? By putting flowers on its grave."