137290

Joke of the Day

"I burned my Hawaiian pizza today... I guess i should have put the oven on aloha setting"

"Me: One day I took my friend- Him: Wait, you have a friend? Me: Yes Him: Wow, ok, go on Me: So I took my friend to the vet for her shots and"

"I became a proud dad today. He's four but he was a boring little shit for the first three years."

"Nice try Jehovah's witnesses, but dressing up like the police and saying you have a warrant isn't going to get me to come to the door."

"You remind me of Monday... Because nobody likes you"

"Today's ebonic word is: ""OMELETTE"" Let us use it in a sentence. I should pop yo ass fo what you jus did, but omelette dis one slide."

"I got a 0 on my computers test. a 01000001"

"two fish are in a.... Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, 'do you know how to drive this thing?'"

"There's Gold in them teeth! - Prospector in a rap studio"

"The New England Patriots deflate balls to win a game... and get punished with a low pressure system."