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Joke of the Day

"Hey dad, did you get a haircut? No son, I got all of 'em cut"

"""Hit me,"" said the masochist. ""No,"" said the sadist"

"What do Winnie the Pooh and Ivan the Terrible have in common? The same middle name. (Shamelessly stolen from Cortana.)"

"""Daddy, there's a mime under the bed!"" That's ridiculous, why would you think that? ""Listen!"" *complete silence* OH DEAR GOD RUN"

"Why did the sheriff arrest the tree? Because its leaves rustled."

"If you're feeling down about yourself, it won't help you to know that Honey Boo Boo makes more money than school teachers."

"What do you get when a cow goes to the Beach with tanning oil? Pre-tanned leather."

"I buried my head in my girlfriend's breasts tonight when we had a deep, intellectual conversation I just had to rack my brain to figure it out."

"Someone's written an album about thermometers... I've heard it's been nominated for a Mercury Prize."

"Worst days in United States history.. .. 9/11 and 11/9"