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Joke of the Day

"The suspect was found dead with his genitals inside a jar of peanut butter... Dare I say he was... Fucking nuts."

"It's sad that, because of cell phones, kids today will never know what it's like to choke their friends with a phone cord."

"captain: a lot of rumors floating around saying I sunk the ship sailor: [clinging to a piece of the hull] please stop calling us rumors sir"

"What's the Riddler's favourite beverage? Obscuri-tea."

"Never underestimate mothers. They can turn ""mayhem"" into ""ma'am"" with one narrowed glance."

"A man goes to visit the doctor Man: Did the test results come back? Doc: Yes, and the prognosis isn't good. Man: Well how long do I have? Doc: About 10. Man: 10 what? Years? Months? Doc: 8... 7...."

"Faberge's Eggs Hey, wife! I've bought the Faberge's eggs. Both..."

"Apparently, 4 people die every year trying to put their pants on... - me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants"

"Have you guys heard about the Indian coat check? His name was Mahatma Coat."

"I had loads of bird seed as well as loads of parrots with headaches. Trying to hold onto all the bird seed but the parrots ate 'em all"