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Joke of the Day

"[NSFW]Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles? Dad: Because his wife died."

"Boss: OMFG man what happened to ur eye? [cut to me riding a horse into the garage door during medieval role play] ""I ran into a door"""

"What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree might kill you? A pool table."

"""Owen, you must hide this baby from Anakin Skywalker at all costs."" ""Okay. Should we continue to call him Luke Skywalker?"" ""That's cool."""

"I had a horrible night last night My blow up doll ran off with my air mattress"

"Yelp review: Excellent food, friendly service. That said, I did notice a smudge on a window and was forced to set the building on fire"

"""My dream is to create something that both dogs and fraternity brothers will enjoy chasing with equal vigor."" -- inventor of the frisbee"

"How is masturbation and brain damage similar? A few strokes and there's no going back."

"Why do a lot of math nerds wear glasses? It helps with division."

"How much do pirates pay to get an earring? A Buccaneer."