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Joke of the Day

"When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I'm alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I'm fantastic."

"You're the reason I wake up everyday. Just kidding I have a job."

"This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she's never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before."

"Q: Why did the ghoul eat a light bulb? A: Because he was in need of a light snack."

"There's something actionable in your pants."

"I went to a club completely infested by tourettes suffering women last night. Any time I approached one they told me to fuck off."

"*put cooked chicken in oven* *offer to cook date dinner* *put raw chicken in oven* *immediately pull out cooked chicken* *keep eye contact*"

"He took me from a bar. He took me in his car....... He took me from a bar. He took me in his car. He took my top off. He puts his lips on mine, but don't worry: I'm a bottle of wine!"

"Why did Burger King decide to partner with Dairy Queen instead of McDonalds??? Because she unwrapped his Whopper. I'm so sorry!!!"

"Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move."