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Joke of the Day

"So did you hear about the cannibal that broke into the gay hospital? At least he's getting his fruits and vegetables now."

"[Olympic Swimming] CANADIAN ANNOUNCER: I feel bad for the water look how hard they're kicking it."

"In honor of Nelson Mandela Day Someone opened up a tire shop down the road from where I live and named it after the late Nelson Mandela. They named it ""Mandela's Apartires R Us"""

"US disasters and tragedies You'd almost think it was built on top of thousands of ancient indian burial grounds... oh wait..."

"I hired a nanny to watch my kids. Little did she know they were just two sacks of potatoes. When I got home I accused her of witchcraft."

"Why do New Zealand farmers now wear kilts? Because the sheep have gotten used to the sound of zippers"

"I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now."

"9: How old was I when I was 3? me *grabs hammer* *smashes college fund jar*"

"*adds 'memory loss' to Symptoms* *adds 'memory loss' to Symptoms* *adds 'memory loss' to Symptoms* *adds 'memory loss' to Symptoms*"

"Money was so tight last Xmas I had to sell a kidney for gifts. And this year it's getting so bad, I may even have to sell one of my own."