135772

Joke of the Day

"if i ever become a dad my thing is gonna be sayin ""spoiler alert"" to my kid& then pointing at cars w/ spoilers. thats gonna be my dadphrase"

"I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed."

"I just invented a new word. Plagiarism."

"I've been cheating on you guys. Lately, I've been spending my time on my job and real life. They don't mean anything to me, I swear."

"Part of the Reddit fence got ripped out of the ground by a tornado. We've been having to do a lot of re-posting."

"What's the coolest answer to a multi-choice question? B)"

"Perfection ""Practice makes perfect"" ""Nobody's perfect"" I'm so confused"

"You mother is such a whore . . . she was hired on the spot at Pillsbury for her extensive yeast collection!"

"[being strapped to a medieval torture table] ""tbh not what I thought you meant when you said you were going to show me a nice rack"""

"How many Arabs does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll sit in the dark and blame the Jews"