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Joke of the Day

"What did my dad say after he asked for frozen casserole That's chili. E:dit Ok execution could be better. Any tips?"

"So a police officer is called out to the scene where a Mercedes is wrapped around a tree, He said ""Well, I guess that's the way the Mercedes Benz"""

"Why don't black people go on cruises? They aren't falling for that again..."

"I was practicing moves on a stripper pole, when all of a sudden I heard a loud ringing. Then 3 firemen fell from the sky and crushed me."

"Nobody works harder than a drunk person trying to carefully whisper a secret."

"Her: What brings you to speed dating? Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me."

"The difference between the middle finger and the fourth finger I use my middle finger to say fuck you to you.. My wife uses my fourth finger to say fuck you to me"

"this is my cheat life i'll worry about carbs and a workout plan next reincarnation"

"April Fools' Day is like a huge open mic night in which millions of people go out of their way to demonstrate how unfunny they are."

"Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don't even have a battery in my smoke detector and fire is real."