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Joke of the Day

"If we get rid of all the margarine the world will be a butter place."

"I used to love your updates. Then you pissed me off, and now your updates piss me off too."

"""Daddy, where do babies come from?"" Show him Edna.. [mum stops slicing carrots] *starts violently gagging until a baby slides out her mouth*"

"There are only 3 lawyer jokes. The rest are all true."

"I'm not sure if Steve Jobs got into heaven... God's a bit touchy about apples..."

"After everything I put, say to yourself 'So did Michael Jackson' I went to the beach on a sunny day. I saw an ice cream stall. I bought an ice cream. It melted."

"I'm a Mime rapper I call myself Gnat. Cause I'm a silent G."

"So let me get this straight: Trump supporters are butt hurt because someone overgeneralized them and called them a mean name? Oh, the irony."

"The thing that sucks about hanging out with my friends is that they see how much I stare at my phone and know how little I answer their texts."

"I wanted a screamer or a moaner for Christmas Instead I got a sweater."