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Joke of the Day

"I tried to contact Joan Rivers through my ouija board, and a message came back: ""If I wasn't already dead, your outfit would've killed me""."

"""Forgive me father, for I have pinned."""

"How do you circumcise a hillbilly? Kick his sister in the chin."

"*walking into Home Depot for 2nd time today* Back again? Forget something? -Um, you remember if I brought a kid in here with me last time?"

"Doing word problems as a kid as helped me in adulthood. ""Dan doesn't have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"""

"What criminal doesn't take baths? A dirty crook."

"ME: I'm heading to the shop ROOMMATE: What are you going to get? ME: [wearing a wedding dress] Compliments"

"We are family, even though you're fatter than me Yo momma is so fat that when she went to the beach a whale swam up and sang, ""We are family, even though you're fatter than me."" -"

"Hey Egypt: Try unplugging your modem for 30 seconds then plugging it back in. Trust me."

"What's the difference between a pick-up artist and an Atari 2600? An Atari 2600 has more game. :)"