134427
Joke of the Day
"If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?"
Next Joke
"*drops off box to Salvation Army* ""Sir, why is this box marked W I F E?"" *peels out*"
"100% of Guy Fieri fans drive drunk."
"To Do List While in Jail 1. Ask someone for an Eskimo kiss and when they shake their head no say,""Hey why'd you start without me?"" 2. 3."
"I hate it when people go round quoting the bible. I haven't even read it yet, but somehow folks think it's cool to give key plot points away"
"I bet every time Vanilla sets his razor down on the bathroom sink, he looks up in the mirror, rubs his newly smooth face & says ""Shaved Ice"""
"Asked to switch seats on the plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby. Apparently that is not allowed if the baby is yours."
"Saw some cows just standing around in a field doing absolutely nothing. Get a job, hippies."
"I married a kleptomaniac... She stole my heart."
"[giving mother in law my famous salad dressing recipe over the phone] 1 part vinegar, then *bites lip so I don't laugh* 2 parts baking soda"