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Joke of the Day

"""My date took me to a nice restaurant. Our server leaned in to me and said, ""You're the third one this week"""

"Where do hipsters get their water? From a well, actually."

"A dirty limerick I made up today ... I once met a girl named Susie. And, boy, was she a doozie! She loved me right, Made it last all night! And in the morning she blew me!"

"""Give it to me!"" she said, ""I'm so fcuking wet, give it to me right now!"" And I replied, ""Fcuk you, it's my umbrella!"

"What do Naturopathic doctors use to keep up with their finances? Quackbooks!"

"I try not to tell people I had shoddy dental implants done, but whenever in a conversation, it just comes out."

"[at fancy-dress party shouting over all the barking] ""YOU NEED TO LEAVE"" me dressed as a giant vacuum cleaner: ""I DIDNT KNOW YOU HAD 6 DOGS"""

"Why can't your hear a pteradactyl go to the toilet? Because the p is silent."

"There's a disturbing movie about an evil German lunatic who creates an ass-to-mouth chain of people who digest each other's shit. You know, that documentary about the Trump campaign."

"What goes eek eek bang? A mouse in a minefield !"