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Joke of the Day

"Forgive me Twitter, for I have sinned. It has been four days since my last tweet. Because, you know... weed and Sudoku."

"There are three types of people in this world.. Those who can count and those who can't"

"You are riding a horse. There is a giraffe beside you and a lion chasing you. What do you do? You get your drunk ass off the carousel. Edit: *off Thanks captain."

"There are 10 types of people those who understand ternary, those who don't, and those who mistake it for binary."

"I don't want Harriet Tubman on my $20's I don't want them to be worth 3/5 of their value"

"How are babies like hinges? They are things to adore"

"When accused by a woman a man's first instinct is to deny. We're not lying, we're just buying time to remember what you're talking about..."

"Auto correct changed ""group hug"" to ""grope hug"" and I'm not in charge of the team-building exercises any more."

"I know a guy who looks at so much porn on his phone- His apps are stuck together."

"You know how some people call their erect penis a 'hard on'? What do evil midgets call it? A *minion*"