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Joke of the Day
"[a girl favs my tweet] [goes to pharmacy] one condom please"
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"as punishment, the townspeople force me to wear a prominent, scarlet letter ""A"", which stands for ""a big piece of shit who loves crime"""
"If at first I don't succeed, I've already met my wife's expectations."
"Me: can i play music Funeral director: that's not appropriate Me: nana would've wanted it Director: ok CD player: someBODY once told me"
"""Where was you at?"" I was probably not skipping English class."
"Patient And Doctor Joke Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink."
"What did Hitler get the Jews for Christmas? Nothing. Jews don't celebrate Christmas."
"You have advice? For me? I have a $5 Starbucks gift card that's older than you."
"My ex-wife says I have 2 brains. One is a penis... ...and apparently, the other's an asshole."
"It Looks Like a Booger But it's SNOT!"