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Joke of the Day

"The elevators aren't working and I work on the 10th floor. I just may become the first person ever to call in sick from the security desk."

"What's the Boogeyman's part-time job? BoogeyNAN!"

"I repaired my watch with some old parts. It's got a second-hand second hand."

"What kind of file do you need to turn a 8mm hole into a 40mm hole? A pedophile"

"I realized that if a girl were to say ""don't rape me"" with her teeth knocked out it would sound a lot like ""doe ray me""... Either way it's music to my ears! Credit: comedian Shawn Pearlman"

"Damn girl, are you a haunted house? Because I'm scared to come inside you."

"The Garden of Eden must have been one exciting place if the most tempting things were apples."

"AROMATHERAPY CONNUDRUM: Spilling a large bucket of Lavender oil all over your carpet: Very stressful, or very relaxing?"

"What's the difference between a soldier and a teacher? As a soldier, it is your job to kill people. As a teacher, it is your job to try very hard not to kill people."

"I collect coins and old paper money. For our anniversary, my wife surprised me with a $1,000 bill! Unfortunately, it was from Fendi, for a pair of shoes."