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Joke of the Day
"What do you call Abe Lincoln having sex? The emancipator-procreator."
Next Joke
"WHAT'S UP WITH ALL THE SILENT TREATMENT?! ~me, drunk, at a wax museum"
"A guy just offered me 8 legs of Venison for 40. Does that sound too dear?"
"ME: Leave me alone! You're not my real dad! CRAWDAD: [patiently] I am doing my best to raise you on my own. Now eat your plankton."
"Shout out to all the kids who could never find their name on souvenir keychains and license plates. That shit hurt."
"What do dolphins use to stay clean? All-porpoise cleaner."
"Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's pretty time consuming. I'll escort myself out now."
"The cool thing about driving 15 mph in a school zone is that it makes it so much easier to text."
"Standing in a park today wondering why a frisbee gets larger the closer it gets. And then it hit me! -Stewart Francis"
"My cat told me he's old enough to move out on his own now but then he said nah I'm just kitten"