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Joke of the Day

"[gameshow] me: [visibly doing maths on my fingers] ""17"" host: [looks at me weird] ""that's wrong"" other contestant: ""salmon?"" host: ""correct"""

Next Joke
 
"So Kim Kardashian's arse is huge and has a lot of oil I wonder if America will invade it? Oh wait, my bad, half of America already has"
"Me: *Rubbing Chin* Why am I always hungry 30 mins after I eat Chinese food? Chin: [pushing my hand away}I dunno man I just deliver the food."
"I cheated on my taxidermist girlfriend. Now I'm stuffed..."
"What happens when 1 extrovert goes out to eat with 3 introverts? Literally fucking nothing. My God."
"Why is Hillary running for president? Because it's easier than running from law enforcement"
"What does Jeb Bush say on the toilet? Please crap"
"If life gives you melons... you're probably dyslexic."
"If Leonardo DiCaprio played a police officer in a movie, what would his name be? Leonardo DiCoprio"
"I made a line of soda called Bad Wifi It's not doing so well, everyone keeps saying it isn't refreshing."