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Joke of the Day

"I'd like to be an optimist, but I doubt if it would work out."

"Sometimes, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life."

"Why is it so hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs? Because they always take things literally."

"I'm not a recluse, I'm just playing hard to get with society."

"If Kevin Bacon is ever caught outside during a blizzard, it'd be pretty awesome if when he was found his core temperature was six degrees."

"I told the doctor I had to see him right away because I thought I was shrinking He told me he was busy and that I'd have to be a little patient"

"What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of coordination? HAAAAAANNNNNDDD EYEEEEE"

"How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a tampon and ask which period it came from."

"If I had a nickel for every existential crisis I've ever had.. Does money even matter ?"

"What do you call it when you feed a stick of dynamite to a steer? Abominable! (say it out loud, slowly)"