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Joke of the Day

"As a kid, I was less concerned about Goldilock's safety than I was about Mama and Papa bear not sleeping in the same bed anymore."

"I bet Lorde is a gold digger She is a minor after all."

"Which weather features do druggies like most? Highs"

"Walnuts make my every cookie a game of Minesweeper."

"How do terrorists like their apple pie? Allah mode."

"I Just Opened An Abortion Clinic.. No fetus can defeat us"

"Why do you keep going back to that fishing website? I can't help it I'm hooked."

"I can't wait for the season finale of... ...America."

"[Bar] me: Gimme one more wife: I think you've had enough m: Last one w: Fine m: *asks waitress for another kids menu so I can do the maze*"

"If you love a balloon, set it free. If it comes back to you, it probably wasn't a balloon."