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Joke of the Day

"I had a dream I was sitting in a motel room in Hell, so I turned on the television and started flipping through the channels. All the shows were closed-captioned for the visually impaired."

"Dang girl are you the police on Grand Theft Auto, because 2 minutes after I leave you forget all about me & move on to someone else."

"*Joe Biden nibbles Obama's ear* - Please stop it *Joe whispers* Say it - No go away *angrily whispers* Say it! - ...please stop Biden my ear"

"""someday this will all be yours"" I say to my dogs, waving my arms wildly across a half empty plate of mexican food"

"the first rule of OCD club is that there must be a second rule so we have an even number of rules"

"Why are mountains so funny? Because they're hill areas....sorry I had to share this cheesy joke I just overheard my coworker tell."

"There are two varieties of hoe. One is a gardening tool. The other is a hardening tool."

"Did you hear about the boss that slept with his secretary and then fired her? He really gave her the shaft."

"My friend told an out of place joke about police searches. But I don't think it was warranted."

"Currently on minute 137 of Easy~Bake Oven cupcakes. I'll be live Tweeting their status as they crisp up over the next day or two."