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Joke of the Day

"I hate it when I pee in my pants and people think its just water that splashed on my crotch from washing my hands."

"[x-ray] DOCTOR: wow ME: what DOCTOR: I don't know, there's a bunch of- ME: *eating a handful of pennies* a bunch of what"

"Thinking of starting an all Asian band Just so we can be called GnarLee"

"*jk rowling wakes up* what's today's tweet *spins large bingo cage* hagrid... is... pansexual and... he later joined isis"

"Love is like a box of chocolates However good it tastes you know it will inevitabley turn to shit."

"The girls who don't get a rose on The Bachelor should automatically get a cat."

"I tried to rob a binoculars store today... But they saw me coming a mile away"

"LOL at vegetarians coming to my house for a BBQ! Feel free to eat my lawn. L-O-L!"

"Did you know that diarrhea is genetic? It runs in your jeans!"

"Wanna be like jesus, walk on a cucumber, its 98% water, so you're 98% jesus"