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Joke of the Day

"So I attempted to set my new password to p3n1s... It told me that my password wasn't long enough."

"My erection lasted for more than 4 hours. I called my doctor, but he didn't seem too impressed, so I showed it to some people at the mall."

"I keep burning food with my Presidential Debate microwave... I set it for 2 minutes but it never stops on time."

"The problem with speaking the truth is.. ..you assume others do too"

"If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, ""Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"""

"Have you heard about the Italian chef? He pasta way"

"My GF spent $49 on a haircut. Had she gone to Petsmart she'd have gotten an ear cleaning, anal gland extraction and a free bandana as well."

"What's the difference between the Holocaust and the Boston Marathon Bombing? The Boston Marathon Bombing ended a race."

"What's the difference between the French and toast? You can make soldiers out of toast!"

"Q: Why did the farmer call his pig ""Ink""? A: Because it was always running out of the pen."