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Joke of the Day

"I used to have a drinking problem. I still do, but I used to, too."

"Why did the chicken get a strike? Because it was a fowl."

"I received some food stamps the other day They tasted terrible."

"How do you get the guitar player off of your porch? Pay for the pizza."

"Wanna see an asshole wrapped in plastic? Yeah? Ok, let me see your driver's license. (My buddy's grandpa told me this back in high school the first time I met him.)"

"When people ask if they can get me anything, I always ask for a jetpack."

"[tweets about one side of an issue to my followers who all agree with me already] hell yes I'm making a difference"

"[offensive] What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross-country"

"NASA: what makes u qualified for our mission to mars? ME: i desperately want to be shot into deep space, where there are definitely no geese"

"Never tell a joke to plutonium, there reaction is explosive"