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Joke of the Day

"Saw a personalized license plate that read ""DADSROD"". That is a phrase I could have gone my whole life without thinking about."

"What do you get when you cross Jesus and a couple of criminals? A good Friday"

"Him: Can you forgive me? *mental montage of me trying to figure out who this guy is* Me: Yes, but I'm really hurt so please give me time."

"How dare you say I'm dumb! Would a dummy get a 'A' on there IQ test? Hmm?"

"Tech guy says: ""When in doubt reboot. "" Okay, I've rebooted but i still don't see how my boots have ANYTHING to do with a computer."

"Google Assistant gave me that one What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener"

"""ARGHH A HOUSE SPIDER"" [spider removes earbuds] ""yah actually im more into ambient trance but whatever"""

"So a man buying stolen goods gets caught, and is given one phone call, who does he call? His de-fence attorney!"

"Jimmy Savile was a terrible ventriloquist. He stuck his hand up my arse and told me not to say anything."

"Being clean and sober' means I've showered and I'm headed to the liquor store."