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Joke of the Day

"My daughter wrote ""Daddy is the best"" in the snow then smashed it when I made her come inside. She'll make some lucky guy miserable one day."

"Well it looks like it's just you and me.. [tumbleweed starts rolling away] WAIT TUMBLY, NO"

"An officer pulled me over for driving erratically, but it was because some bees had gotten into my car. He must have thought I was buzzed."

"I crashed into the back of a dwarf's car... He got out, looked at the damage and said ""I'm not happy"". So I replied "" Which one are you then?"""

"The door is closed? I want in. The door is open? I want out. Actually I just want to sit in the door frame itself. - Pets"

"I always carry a picture of my wife and children in my wallet. It reminds me why there's no fucking money in there."

"I have a Muslim friend with a Note 7... It only gets awkward when he shouts ""Allahu Akbar"" when plugging it in."

"What's the difference between an introverted physicist and an extroverted physicist? An extroverted physicist looks at *your* shoes when they're talking to you."

"I want to share this great joke about time But I'm not sure how to tell it."

"Anyone want a free car? Angry bee inside but otherwise, perfect."