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Joke of the Day

"A British man visits Australia. The customs officer asks ""Do you have a previous criminal history?"" The visitor replies ""I didn't realize that was still a requirement"""

"Did you hear about the new pop singer that has giant nipples? Her name is Areola Grande."

"I'm launching an app that reads out nihilist quotes. It's aimed at a Nietzsche market"

"Me: And what do you do if I tell you I'm having a heart attack? Siri: I clear your browser history. Me: That's right darling."

"Her: I really want nachos!! Me: *changes name to nachos*"

"""Paper or plastic?"" I don't know. How can anyone really know? ""Uhh-"" I'm bagnostic"

"Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Those dirty bastards."

"Q: Why are blondes like corn flakes? A: Because they're simple easy and they taste good."

"What do you call Sherlock Holmes when he's constipated? No shit Sherlock."

"Who took in most refugess? The Mediterranian Sea."