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Joke of the Day

"Why do mermaids put their things on top of clams? Because clams are shelf-ish."

"Guys, I found a cure for my Alzheimer's!"

"wife: Did you get the cat out of the tree? me [bleeding] Wasn't a cat"

"""You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself"" ~ 5th Amendment, understood by nobody onTwitter."

"Why do you never see Mexicans with acne? They keep slipping off."

"Dubai knows how to end the year with a BANG! I'm talking about the fireworks display guys."

"*Walks into school* Simon says give me your Pokemon cards Ok now close your eyes *Walks out* Kids are so dumb I didn't even say Simon says"

"What do a bunch of celebrity nudes have in common with a stiff breeze? They both can cause reddit's servers to crash."

"I had a bukkake party last night. You should have come"

"Why do molluscs only think of themselves? Because they're shellfish"