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Joke of the Day

"I'm 94% sure I'm going to die in a running in flip flops incident."

"A family in the Netherlands claims to be the biggest group of Oasis fans in the world.. They call themselves the van der Walls."

"Do you know how Michael Jackson really died? He ate a 3 year old wiener."

"Everyone gets on the fashion industry for unrealistic beauty standards, but can we talk about unrealistic depictions of food on boxes?"

"J. S. Bach's wife found herself in a predicament when her sexy underwear caught fire. Johann was quick to respond to her duress and blew air on the g-string."

"*holding a rattlesnake in each hand* These are the angriest maracas I've ever played"

"I saw a guy struggling with the frozen vending machine trying to get some ice cream. Really paralleled my attempts to reach my ex-girlfriend's heart."

"It's sad when a woman has to get breast implants just to keep her husband interested... ...it's even worse when his are still bigger."

"I never keep toilet paper in the guest bathroom. They don't need that kind of incentive to visit again."

"What did the cannibal make of the politician he just met? Pork and bologne sammiches."