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Joke of the Day

"Yesterday CNN reported that ""sitting will kill you, even if you exercise"" and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but living will kill you."

"How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? just 2."

"I can't afford an electric toothbrush, so I just roll a baby hedgehog in some toothpaste and hold in it my mouth for 15 minutes."

"Two men walk into a bar... The 3rd one ducked."

"A pedophile was taking a small child into the woods at night.... The kid say, ""These woods are really scary"". The pedophile replies with, ""You're telling me, iv'e got to walk out of here alone""."

"What's the difference between a priest and acne? Acne usually waits until you're 13 before coming on your face."

"What do you call a girl from Alabama who's faster than her brothers? A virgin"

"As a professional standup comedian I never do self-derogatory jokes I keep my personal life away from my professional life."

"How do you know if you're a necrophiliac? You get mourning wood."

"Why were the other fish calling the shark gay? He swallowed all of the seamen."