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Joke of the Day

"[parole hearing] OFFICER: are u reformed? ME: I O: go on M: I th O: tell us M: I'm O: yes M: can I finish my sentence O: ok parole denied"

"What's the best part about sex with 28-year-olds? There are twenty of them.."

"My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith. So I asked him ""What was the name of his other leg?"""

"Boy, Peter Parker is lucky he was bitten by a spider and not one of those fainting goats."

"What do you call lesbians doing karate? dikewondo"

"Why does Trump secretly want to lose the election? Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house, that's in a black neighborhood."

"WIFE: What did you just do? CAT: *bolts for no apparent reason* ME: *bolts in the opposite direction in case she's after both of us*"

"An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion."

"Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !"

"TIL why it is called a Brazilian wax. Because they cut down the forrest."