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Joke of the Day

"A giraffe walks into a bar... The giraffe trips and falls over, the bartender says, ""what's that lyin over there."" And someone replies, ""that's not a lion, that's a giraffe."""

"You can tell a lot about a person by how early their neighbors call the cops on Thanksgiving."

"Why did the sea-monster eat 5 ships filled with potatoes? Because no one can eat just one potato ship."

"thought I was watching Twilight for 45 min then I realized I was in an alley watching a dog bark at a dead cat next to some cardboard."

"What do you call it when two gays fight? Fruit punch!"

"We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour."

"TIL that the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has it's own version of the devil . . . You will know this fake Flying Spaghetti Monster by his name, for he is known as the Im-Pasta."

"Notice how ""me"" comes first in merge? There's a reason for that."

"People in my office have this strange habit of naming their food... Yesterday, I had a sandwich named ""Michael""."

"What the difference between a black guy and a donut? One of them already had a hole before the cop saw it"