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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a Redditor and a brick? The brick will eventually get laid."

"I got in touch with my inner self today That's the last time I buy single-ply toilet paper."

"First Review in for ""The Force Awakens"" Absolutely to die for"

"Lip Balm To My Wife Earlier today my wife asked me to pass her some lip balm but I ended up giving her superglue by mistake. She's still not talking to me."

"Some days it's little things, the tone of his voice or his words when we're alone, that help me realize I'd rather have the insurance money."

"Any size pizza can be a personal pizza if you're depressed enough."

"Calculators May Be Ugly On The Outside But Its What's On The Inside That Counts."

"Why did the fruit leave office? because he was imPEACHED! lol. i hate myself."

"How do you propose to a stoner? Marriage ya wanna?"

"The people you lose sleep over don't lose sleep over you. So, help out and drunk dial them at 3AM...."