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Joke of the Day

"If you're telling a story to a group and are interrupted and then no one asks you to continue, ruin their party by drowning in the pool."

"The cool thing about being broke is you can tell your friends you aren't drinking for a while & they think you're getting your shit together"

"They should put barf bags in all the voting booths this year."

"What's the difference between a tire and 365 condoms? One is a good year, the other is a great year."

"I'm gonna steal a bunch of Jesus fish off minivans and then put them back three days later."

"A guy walks into a bar... Ow!"

"My girlfriend asked me how I viewed lesbian relationships... Apparently ""in HD"" wasn't the right answer."

"What do you call a foreigner who is obsessed with Chinese culture? A zhuologist"

"What does a Mexican carpet fitter say to motivate his colleagues? Underlay! Underlay!"

"In which nation to you need a passport just to travel within it? Ukraine."