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Joke of the Day

"What's the worst part about baiting a fish hook really well? Everyone knows you're a master baiter!"

"What was Hitler's favorite TV show? The Price is Reich"

"""What if Waldo finds me first?"" I ask naively. Grandma closes the book; the blood drains from her face. ""Don't let that happen,"" she warns."

"When a movie says ""Based on a true story."" it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people."

"How do you make gold soup? You use 14 carrots."

"What do you call an elf wearing earmuffs? Anything you want. He can't hear you."

"Did you her about the boy that was born without any eyelids? They used the foreskin from the circumcision to make them. I guess you could say he was a little cockeyed."

"Hugh Jackman and Kevin Spacey are sitting at a dinner party.... Hugh Jackman says, ""Hey, Kevin, can you pass the salt?"" Kevin Spacey replies, ""No soap, radio!"""

"If the opposite of pro is con, what's the opposite of progress? The Republican party."

"ME: I JUST WENT TO THAT NEW SALON WHERE THEY CUT YOUR HAIR OFF BY SHOOTING IT WITH A GUN FRIEND: oh cool how was it ME: WHAT"