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Joke of the Day

"Q: Bill Hillary and Al are in a boat. The boat sinks. Who is saved? A: The United States of America."

"Edison stole the idea for the lightbulb from the lightbulb that appeared above his head when he got the idea for the phonograph"

"[eharmony] based on your responses, your perfect match is a trashcan.. [me] aww [eharmony] ..full of raccoons [me] omg I love raccoons"

"My husband just went 69 mph in a 50 zone just so he could point at the speedometer and wink at me. 15 years and going strong."

"BILLY CORGAN: the world is a vampire ME: wouldn't it explode into flames as soon as the sun hit it then? BILLY: shut up *runs off crying*"

"It's awful that those other chipmunks force Alvin to wear an A on his sweater just because he's an adulterer."

"What did the German clock maker say to the broken clock? Ve haff vays of making you tock!"

"What spice is guaranteed to make your girlfriend walk out on you? Bay Leaves"

"why do people romanticize the 1950s? like calm down, we still have milkshakes and racism"

"Never in the history of unlimited data plans has someone gone through their significant others phone and gotten happier"