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Joke of the Day

"Mom: Any big plans today? Me: Yes, of course, my friend is coming over and... Mom: The mail doesn't come on Sundays. Me: Oh, then no. :'("

"What do you do to a dog that doesn't obey your commands? You kill it."

"I dropped my electric toothbrush in the garbage disposal and accidentally co-produced a Skrillex album."

"Why was the picture acquitted of the charge for murder? Because it was framed."

"PS4 - 29 Titan looking for fresh vog normal PSN allynlewis182"

"What did the chinese pirate say? Awwlllll!"

"Why was Vladimir late to gym class? cause he was Putin his shoes on XD"

"If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive."

"Why was the old Jewish woman afraid her chauffeur got her pregnant? Because they schlepped together."

"Two tampons are walking down the street towards you, which one says hello? Neither, they're both stuck up cunts!"