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Joke of the Day

"ONLY Justin Bieber could make doing drugs look not cool..."

"got arrested for smuggling books into kentucky got off on a technicality, no one there could *prove* they were books"

"judge: 99 yrs me: is it cos i called ur gavel a justice hammer? judge: no that actually helped me: killing then judge: yeah the killing"

"I gave my wife my email address but she keeps on speaking directly to me."

"Wife: You're shirtless? *nods* W: And covered in...oil? -Well, you know how you always say I never glisten? W: Listen. You never listen. -Oh"

"Instead of neutering my dog I just make him wear crocs."

"I smoked e-cigs for so long that I got e-cancer. I'm ok though, I just swallowed a Norton Antivirus cd and it cleared things up."

"Did Batman know that Alfred was embezzling billions to finance a 4-person Magic act that was a front for robbing banks?"

"Me: I can't seem to lose weight CW: Have you tried cutting back on your sugar intake Me:*stirring coffee with snickers bar* What do you mean"

"Why didn't the atheist businesswoman make any money? She didn't believe in prophets."