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Joke of the Day
"my wife is so ungrateful for christmas I got her an electric chair and she won't even sit in it."
Next Joke
"[ In bed, trying to find a cold spot ] Ahhhh, there it is... Wife: Get off of me!!"
"Your face is kinda similar to a planet... ''Oh yeah, Which one?'' ''Uranus''"
"""Your resume has MPGMA listed under hobbies. What exactly is that?"" Making people guess the meaning of acronyms."
"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
"I feel pretty smart until I realize the wild ducks I'm surprised by on my neighbor's lawn are metal lawn ornaments he's had for 5 years."
"Steve Irwin lived the same way he died... With animals in his heart."
"I'm afraid of Spotify ruining music the way Facebook ruined friends."
"Women have closets full of I have nothing to wear.'"
"Joseph: no rooms? Dude she's about to give birth to humanity's savior Innkeeper: sorry busy around Christmas time J: wtf around what time"