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Joke of the Day

"Two big, strong, grey animals are talking to each other... Animal 1: Hey, you realize we have horns on the top of our heads right? Animal 2: Rhino"

"About 4,000 years ago: God: I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die! Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note* God: Correction, I shall create a great flood!"

"When a squirrel runs on the road then turns around quickly is it because he thinks he left his little squirrel iron on?"

"It's not the size of the ship nor the motion in the ocean...it's whether the Captain can stay in port long enough for all the passengers to get off.."

"Why did MacDonald's ban Tumblr? Because they don't serve Trans-Fats."

"America where we celebrate Memorial Day with mattress sales."

"What did the vet say about the maimed donkey? Wow, that ass sure took a pounding"

"My doctor said if I get 1000 upvotes he will perform free LASIK surgery!! Upvote for visibility."

"If I had a dollar for every woman that found me unattractive... ...eventually, they would find me attractive."

"INTERVIEWER: What's your greatest strength? M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN: [Removes mask to reveal that he was actually the interviewer the whole time]"