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Joke of the Day
"Coffee makes my mornings. But Friday makes my week"
Next Joke
"Spider-Man reboots should start with the previous actor biting the new one as the origin story."
"The light above my desk is going out. I feel like I've been at a really boring rave for the last 7 hours."
"Lay with me until everything crumbles and nothing but creeping ivy shields us from the incessant chatter of wandering cadavers. Bring snacks"
"I just googled ""Is there really cowbell in the actual song Don't Fear the Reaper?"" and my first response was, ""Go outside and do something."""
"My lesbian neighbours gave me a Rolex for my birthday I'ts nice, but i think they misunderstood me when i said: i wanna watch"
"I masturbated on a roller-coaster once... ...it was a real white-knuckle ride."
"The oral sex with my imaginary girlfriend is mind-blowing."
"Scott Walker is dropping out of the Presidential race. In a nationwide poll of likely voters nearly 98% responded to the news with, ""Who?"""
"Twitter is the new flypaper."