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Joke of the Day

"I've just been dumped by my girlfriend. She found me creepy because I have a nickname for my penis. Guess now that I'm single again I'll have to take Matters into my own hands."

"Me: Sometimes I think I have more imaginary conversations than real ones. Scarlett Johansson: That's very interesting."

"What's the difference between humans and bullets? Humans miss Harambe."

"I'm never buying clothes for my kids again Dang baby goats just eat everything!"

"Why did the Vampire's girlfriend break up with him? Because he was pain in the neck!"

"What's the difference between light and hard? You can still fall asleep with the light on!"

"Why do elephants have four feet? Because six inches would never satisfy a female elephant."

"What's the difference between a joke and 100 dicks in your ass? You can't take a joke."

"I like my coffee like I like my men. Sweet and delicious and makes me feel awesome at first but then I feel like shit and end up sitting on the toilet regretting my life choices."

"Friends and family sometimes said I was a kid stuck in a man's body. The police say I'm a man caught in a kids body."