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Joke of the Day

"Girls with long nails explain to me your life. Like, do you not touch things? Do you enjoy dirt?"

"Why is Karl Marx credited in so many movies? (OC) Because he wrote the Rom-Communist Manifesto."

"What is it called when two celebrities are fighting? Star wars."

"[first date] I'm sorry, I fiddle when I get nervous ""That's okay"" Yeah.... *jams out epic fiddle solo for the rest of the date*"

"Whats around $5000+ and enhances personality? Breast implants."

"What happens when you drink food colouring? You dye a little on the inside."

"I'm such an alcoholic.... That when Alcohol does its taxes, it claims me as its dependant!"

"Knock knock... Who's there? Eat map. Eat map who? NO THANKS"

"hungover at 22: dag gonna be 9 minutes late for work at 39: ...finally, to my faithful cat elroy i leave my cache of nagano '98 olympic pins"

"Me and a buddy went to an amputee party It was crawling with pussy."