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Joke of the Day

"Tim Cook: ""We're excited to annou-"" #Apple fans: ""We'll buy it."" Tim Cook: ""Let me fini-"" Apple fans: ""We'll buy that too."" #iPhone6"

"Describe yourself in 3 words I am a rebel"

"Dinner guests coming over later and I got nothing. Does anyone know how to turn beef jerky back into steaks?"

"What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? Shear madness."

"My mate Dave drowned... For his funeral, we got a wreath in the shape of a life saver. It's what he would've wanted."

"An 80's style montage of me and a dog learning to use chopsticks, and the dog progressing marginally faster"

"My therapist told me that I'm bad at admitting my flaws. I am not!"

"ME: isn't this great?? WIFE: not really ME: *looks down from the top bunk* what's wrong"

"Black humor never gets old ...just like african people"

"What do you call a scouser in a suit? The defendant."