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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a drunk bass player? You have to plug one of them in before it sucks."

"What's the difference between the space shuttle and a 2.5 kiloton bomb? The crew."

"Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door."

"Men shouldn't feel bad if they only last 7 minutes doing doggy style... I mean, that's almost an hour in dog time."

"What do you call a musician's erection? A tromboner."

"10YO: [on her ipad] beat my high score! ME: y'know they're just numbers on a screen right? they don't mean anything [checks follower count]"

"She thinks I drink all day when she's at work. I don't... I stop just before she gets home"

"Being inside a car with kids is like being inside a blender with sticky hyenas."

"Next time someone catches you talking to yourself, make it worthwhile by laughing, yelling ""Good one!"" and high-fiving the air."

"The virgin I like my men like I like my sci-fi movies... to boldly go where no man has gone before!"