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Joke of the Day

"What did the communist say at the beginning of the race? ""On your Marx, get set, go!"""

"I bet the best massage in the world is getting attacked by a toothless shark."

"Moths are really just butterflies on meth, all angry and shit while head-butting light bulbs and biting holes in your favorite shirt."

"""Guess I'll turn on the news to see what the government is up to"" - The President of the United States"

"[Spelling Bee] Your word is palindrome ""Can you use it in a sentence?"" Go hang a salami I'm a lasagna hog."

"CAT VAMPIRE: let me in! ME: ok CAT VAMPIRE: you fool! now I will suck your bl- ME: *closes door* CAT VAMPIRE: ... CAT VAMPIRE: let me out"

"""Hey were you born on a highway?"" Kevin asked. Kevin continued, ""Because that's where accidents happen."""

"Me and my girlfriend of 16 years split apart yesterday... It was a bad car accident. I really do miss my right hand."

"[at job interview] It says here that you are very hands on. Yes, sir, I am. Can you give me an example of this? *gently caresses his face*"

"Reddit vs the Titanic At least the Titanic had a band"