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Joke of the Day

"Me: I heard Rihanna got food poisoning Brain: Stop M: It was B: No M: Salmonella ella ella ey ey B: This is why I can't do math in your head"

"So a girl asked me what my kinks were. Me: ""I'm into rape-play. Do you want to come over later?"" Her: ""No!"" Me: ""Great! See you at 7?"""

"What's blue, standing in the kitchen? STFU, I can paint my wife any colour I want!"

"Ugh, I'm starting to regret getting bangs. ""You don't have bangs."" Wait, what's that thing you get when a bat bites you? ""Rabies?"" That's it"

"A blind man walks into a bar.. And a table. And a chair."

"I bought a Cosmo magazine that said ""Best Sex Ever!"" All I got was a bunch of papercuts."

"How are men like noodles? They are always in hot water they lack taste and they need dough."

"Lesbian Joke Why can't lesbians wear make-up and go on a diet at the same time? Because they can't eat Jenny Craig when Mary Kay is already on her face."

"At any given time, the urge to sing ""The lion sleeps tonight"" is just a whim away a whim away, a whim away, a whim away..."

"Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead."