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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a dentist and a New York baseball fan? One yanks for the roots, the other roots for the Yanks."

"Becky on Facebook is having a bad hair day and wonders if anything will ever go right. Be strong Becky, be strong. Also shut up."

"There's been some interesting science news today. Apparently materials with a half life of 3 pass through valves at a extremely slow rate. -plauge inc"

"Responding as if you've just been wrongfully accused of murder when someone on the phone asks if you're still in bed"

"If you lend someone 20 Bucks, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it."

"Donald Trump had a great inauguration speech It sounds like he Putin a lot of practice"

"I thought my watch ran out of battery power... It scared me for a second."

"Q: On a scale from 1 to 10, what is your favorite color in the english alphabet? A: Yes"

"Congrats to #LeonardoDiCaprio on his first Best Actor Oscar. You can stop sacrificing goats now."

"I had Taylor Swift in my head all day... ...I just shouldn't shake her off, shake her off..."