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Joke of the Day

"""Here kid. I hope you like not getting laid until college because your bedroom is a giant dinosaur now."" -extreme home makeover"

"Time is not wasted, when your wasted all the time"" ~Benjamin Franklin (I think.)"

"What the worst part about pulling a hair clump from the drain of the apartment you just moved into? Waiting for it to dry so you can glue it to your sex doll"

"It's always cool to swallow your pride unless you're a lion. Lol"

"How did the hipster drown? He went ice skating on a lake before it was cool."

"What do you call someone who crashes flying dinosaurs into buildings? A pterrorist"

"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but I dunno how they got in there."

"Why is it awful to be an egg? You only get laid once, it takes three minutes to get hard, and you come in a box with eleven others."

"What happens when you piss off a blind mobster Your neighbor gets a horse ass in their bed."

"To the women who keeps waking me up at 3AM by pounding on my door: I'm not letting you out."