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Joke of the Day

"Which fish dresses the best? The Swordfish - It always looks sharp!"

"In the 1945-6 Nuremberg Trials what should have been the opening statement from the defence counsel representing the Nazi War criminals? 'If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.'"

"I hate when I shape my hand like a phone to tell someone to call me, but they're in their 20s and don't know what phones used to look like."

"After a long day, I feel like a bicycle Because I'm too tired"

"Do you eat to much sodium? Na."

"My ceiling fan has three setting: - very slow - slow - I'm about to detach from the ceiling and kill you in a freak ceiling fan accident"

"What do you call an Irishman passed out on your deck? Paddy O'Furniture"

"Just got unfollowed by exorcist scary looking lady with crazy eyes who has ""will get in cars with strangers"" in her bio. I'm hiding........"

"Anyone who's ever stood in a busy McDonald's line at 10:29am not knowing what to get has been closer to getting murdered than they realize."

"A really hate it when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years time. I mean, come on guys, I don't have 20/20 vision."